Josef's story
by songspazz
Summary: The only person he ever told his story to, the only one he ever loved. What happened on the night that Josef tried to turn Sarah.


**A/N:** So this is something that was going to keep bugging my brain until I gave in and wrote it. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, and I know there might be some holes in the story, but I hope it's not too bad... One thing you should know is that Sarah is aware that Josef changed his name in this story so she calls him Josef. Feedback would be appreciated, like always, and I hope you enjoy it! :)

"You really want to know me?" Josef hissed, his face mere inches from hers.

"Yes," her voice was barely over a whisper, but it wasn't because of fear that she was shaking. It was out of anger. Their fight had escalated from nothing, but it had been building for a while now and was finally finding its way out of both of them.

Over the two years that had led them to this moment, Josef had been determined to shield her from his past and took every measure to ensure this. But now, he didn't care to. She had said exactly what needed to be said in order to bring out the rage that lived within him, and he was ready to tell all.

He stared at her for a moment that seemed to take a lifetime to pass as his mind raced wildly with thoughts of every horrible and soulless thing he had done in his long lifetime until he couldn't look at her anymore. He turned and paced across the area in front of her, pushing his hand through his usually well-kempt hair. He came to a stop, facing away from her as he let his hand fall to his side, and for a moment, they both remained silent.

"I'm a monster. I've done horrible things and killed a lot of people," he began, and though his body was shaking, his voice was low and steady, "I worked the stock market in 1929, and when it crashed, I was just as desperate as the rest of them... My contacts who supplied me with blood were out of the job, and I was starving. I killed men and women who were sleeping on the streets at night, and I wasn't the only one. There was no hunt, no delicacy to it. I just fed on whoever wouldn't be missed, and I enjoyed feeding on them. And one night, I saw a woman walking. I hadn't fed in over a day, and I was sitting in an ally too weak to move and expecting to die. People had become suspicious. Those who hadn't lost everything kept inside at night, and the ones without homes began to sleep in groups, taking shifts to keep watch for whatever was out there slaughtering people. And one night, I saw a woman walking. I hadn't fed in over a day, and I was just sitting in an ally too weak to move and expecting to die. So I waited until she was almost past the ally and then I grabbed her feet out from under her and pulled her into the darkness."

His voice cracked and he paused, turning his head a little so that the light caught the side of his face, and she could see the tears that had fallen as he spoke. She could see that this was causing him immeasurable pain, but there was no going back now. She'd opened a door that couldn't be closed, and the only thing she could do now was listen.

"It wasn't until after I'd drained her that I recognized a second scent in the air and the sound of someone sobbing... The woman's little girl had been waiting for her just out of sight... She saw everything. I couldn't move... We just stared at each other for a while, and then I ran. I killed her mother right in front of her, and then I left her... And by the looks of it, she was pretty ill... She probably died soon after that without anyone to take care of her..."

"You didn't know..."

"It doesn't matter..." he whispered in response, "Do you think that little girl cared?"

Silence fell over the room again because there really wasn't anything she could say to that. There was nothing she could tell him that would take away the guilt and the self-loathing that comes with immortality. It was something she couldn't understand, but she also couldn't judge either. She'd never felt that desperation, that need to hurt someone else in order to save yourself. That was the luxury that came with being human. You have a choice.

They sat in silence for a long moment as Josef searched for anything to think about but that night, and the only thing that came to mind were the events that had led them here to this point. Then he remembered. She had asked him for something he didn't want to give her. The truth about him. She just wanted the truth.

His mind wandered back to the fight they'd had earlier that night, and that offered him a somewhat less depressing topic to concentrate on- though it wasn't by much.

"_Why? Why do you always have to push me away instead of just letting me in this one time?"_

_He was silent, turning to pour a drink from the bottle of scotch that was resting atop the liquor cabinet._

"_You don't understand what it is that you are asking me to do," he answered simply before turning back to her once again, and his eyes softened inspite of himself. _

_Her face didn't have the same glow that he was accustomed to, and her usually bright and smiling eyes were now staring a hole through him. _

"_All I've ever asked of you was that you be open with me," she bit out, her voice the only thing giving away the pain she was in, "And after two years, you still can't seem to give me that? And I realize that might not be a long time to you, but I don't get to beat around the bush for a couple hundred years trying to decide when I might actually be ready for a commitment!"_

"_I'm sorry that this isn't turning out the way you'd planned, but what exactly do you expect me to do about it?" he asked in a harsh tone as his control began to wain and the temper he'd done so well to contain attempted to break free, "I'm not your father, doll! I'm not the one that's going to hold your hand and tell you everything is alright, and I'm sure as hell not going to cry on your shoulder and play story time so you can feel needed!"_

_And then she slapped him. He should have seen it coming, not that he would've done anything about it because as much as she pissed him off sometimes, he could never imagine himself raising a hand to her in anger. _

"_That's what you think this is about?" she asked as her voice quivered from anger and hurt._

_This wasn't how it was supposed to go. But again, he was silent. He just stared passed her shoulder at the floor._

"_What did you think I was?" he asked, his voice growing lower and more dangerous with each word, "I'm not a knight in shining armor, I'm a vampire."_

"_That's not all you are-"_

"_You don't know the first thing about what I am!" he yelled, throwing his glass against the wall as his eyes changed from soft brown to an icy cold white._

"Josef?" he was brought out of his daze by the sound of her voice and the feeling of her hand on his shoulder.

His eyes fell onto the point of contact and she started to pull away, but he stopped her, taking the hand into his own and staring at it for a moment. He pressed his lips to it and closed his eyes tightly as he felt the warmth of her soft, smooth skin against his mouth and stayed like that for a moment before finally letting his eyes rise to meet with hers. He didn't understand why she was still there, still looking at him the same way she had every day since they met... Like he was the most amazing thing she'd ever seen.

"There's more... There's so much more to tell-"

"Shh... I don't need to know..." she cut in, placing a hand on his cheek, "What happened before doesn't matter... I- I just wanted you to trust me..."

"I've always trusted you."

"But there's still this barrier between us..." she replied, tears filling up in her eyes again.

"What barrier?" he asked, running his fingers lightly through her hair.

"I will never understand you, not completely, unless... unless you do something for me..."

"Anything... Name it," he replied quickly, a smile threatening his lips.

"Make me... like you."

"You..." he cleared his throat, clearly taken aback by her request, "You want me to turn you?"

"I want us to spend the rest of _your_ life together, not just mine... I don't- I don't want you to always have to protect me and worry about me, and I want to be with you as long as I possibly can because.. I am so in love with you, and my heart tells me that this handsome, funny, and ridiculously stubborn man in front of me is mine... So I have no choice but to be yours."

He couldn't help but let out a small laugh and kiss her.

"You know that I can't do this unless you're absolutely certain... Without a doubt..."

"Do I sound like I'm doubting anything?"

"You really want to put up with me for an eternity?" he asked, smiling from ear to ear.

"I think we can make it work," she grinned back, "Besides, I have a good feeling about this."

"Sarah, you have no idea what this means to me..." he replied, kissing her again before leading her toward the couch at the center of the room, "It's going to hurt at first... You should know that."

"I'm not afraid," she said without hesitation.

"Then close your eyes," he responded softly, supporting her head as she leaned it to the side.

"See you on the other side," she whispered once his ear was close to her mouth.


End file.
